Laurie Lunsford :: Entrepreneuse :-)

Rest has come

2011-04-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have tried to rest but I do too many things at once and my mind is very busy. I realized recently that I had not been sitting down to eat and enjoy because of living alone. I now have a college student who is living upstairs. She cooks wonderful and nutritious food.

Flooding

2011-03-02T05:31:00.000-08:00

My basement was a wonderful place for people to come and stay. Well, it flooded....never happened before. Water is powerful, it floated my refrigerator and "killed" my refrigerator. It destroyed my furnace and waterheater, and washer and dryer....furniture...big losses. Many of my keepsakes were stored in what I thought was my "dry basement". They are gone. I'm OK. It could have been worse. I have what is important....down in my soul. What looked like my treasures is now a huge pile of wet trashy looking stuff that is being hauled away. The treasure I have - the treasures inside my heart - are irreplaceable and best of all they are untouchable

Fire and Rain

2011-01-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

I come to you Lord

Beaten down

By unmet expectations

Coming to You is like walking into a fire

I don't want to

Fire hurts.

I don't want to see

What needs to be destroyed

Coming to You

Is like walking into a shower

Water refreshes

Unconditional love rains grace

It's a shower that heals.

I will come to you for both.

Love for us all

2010-12-31T10:52:00.000-08:00

We are connected
Worldwide
Through our Creator
Created masterpieces
Accepted
And loved
By our Creator
Different cultures
Different beliefs
Different backgrounds
Different
Loved by God
Loved by me

From the Inside Out

2010-12-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

My thoughts are what make me who I am. They come out in all kinds of ways. My words can be nice but behind them, there can be sarcasm. I can speak with a lilt when inside my heart is heavy. It is evident that I can easily hide who I am.
I am inspired by those with Alzheimer's. As sad as it is to not be able to think and remember, there is a freshness in seeing something from their thoughts in their art. Or maybe.....it is behind their thoughts. Maybe it is deeper. The painting is by a woman with Alzheimer's. She didn't have to think about what to paint. It was just there.

People

2010-11-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

This painting was done by a woman in the nursing home where I work. She is single and has no relatives. She loves people.

I love people too. It is difficult for me to sort out my relationships. Tomorrow is thanksgiving and through divorce, nothing is the same except the turkey. (Oh, I guess it is different too). Who do I choose to be with. My kids are off to other places. How blessed I am to have extended family and friends. A friend of 40 years called me tonight. She said that life is like a river. It changes all of the time. That is a somewhat comforting thought, if I can move with it.

The nature of leaves

2010-11-10T04:35:00.000-08:00

I placed some leaves in a plastic bag so they wouldn't crumble when I took them into the nursing home for those who were cooped up and could not be outside enjoying the Fall. I was thinking about leaves and the part the play in nature. They receive life. They go green for a nice long time. They dry up, fall, and die on the ground. It is their time at that point to become natural mulch and sustenance for those things which are yet to come....more life springing from the ground. In the spring, you don't see much of them, but they have done their work.

I have become more and more alive because of resentment, fear, old ideas drying up, falling off and letting new refreshing things grow. Life overcomes death. My pastor said that when Adam and Eve sinned, they tried to cover themselves with old dead fig leaves. God replaced the old dead leaves with the death of something living. Their nakedness was covered with the skins of animals.

Energy centers

2010-11-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

Nature is full of "spirals". Energy emanates from the centers all over the universe. It happens in plants, in the universe, and in the human body. I am so in awe of what our Creator has set in motion. Free flowing energy brings health. Keep it flowing God. Hold it all together by your ever-doing hand.

Starting Out Ugly

2010-10-24T05:22:00.001-07:00

Many of my paintings start out to be ugly. It thought about throwing this painting of roses away. That was before I decided to experiment for the fun of it. I love the way it evolved. Now it is one of my favorites.

Color Transitions

2010-10-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

Watching bright colors flow is a joyful experience for me. I have discovered yupo watercolor paper. It is slick and the colors slide around so beautifully. Forgetting detail, I forge ahead with color. It is flow of water and paint that brings about "nature like" surprises.

more art blogs at www.dancinghandstaps.com

A Picture is Worth...

2010-10-09T20:03:00.001-07:00

I journaled and shared ideas with a group of ladies today. A table full of magazines, rubber stamps, scissors and glue can provide wonderful thoughts that trigger journaling. Today, I journaled about breakthroughs, things that are changing...good things. I learned quickly about my fellow writers by what we shared

as we cut, pasted and wrote.

Grief Relief

2010-10-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

When I'm grieved or stressed, I go downstairs where my paints are spread on my ping pong table and I paint. I let the colors bleed onto the paper as my soul bleeds. Sounds painful, but it is very soothing to watch colors go onto the paper and form new colors and designs. When I paint during these times, I don't work toward an end product. I process what is inside. Many times what is inside is brighter than I thought. Maybe the hope is squeaking through the cracks.

Life's Colors

2010-09-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

There are so many colors and textures in this world. Why would I ever want to limit myself. The more I talk to people from look at other cultures and read books about ancient times, I realize that there are other sides to life than what American "experts" say. What about ancient cultures. They knew all angles of humanity just by observation. They came up with yoga, and medicines that can still be alternatives today. They understood nature and the stars....and practiced meditating and being quiet, drawing from our Creator. I want to be open as I am walking through some traumatic times in the hospital with my son. I need to listen.

Canning Brought Forward

2010-09-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am noticing that more and more people are canning veggies and fruits. That is a refreshing thing because there is a sense of accomplishment and also the joy of bringing the pure nutrition of the summer garden into winter meals.

Yesterday, I was hanging out at the nursing home. The topic of canning came up and there was a spark that filled the room. What did you can? Where did you store the jars? Was it hard? Before long, we had it all on paper, together, making jars and filling them with colorful vegetables.

I am so happy to see that the older home arts are coming back.

Painting again

2010-09-13T00:26:00.000-07:00

I am painting again. It is because I am taking time to do it. I leave my paper and paints out on the pingpong table (where we do not play ping pong anymore) and this provides a huge surface to dance with the paint, as I have several paintings going on at the same time. Painting with spontaneity is very freeing to my soul. I'm just being me. I keep a few, and throw some away. It is worth the time it takes to paint several paintings and throw half of them away. I learn my style that way and also see what works and what doesn't. I entered a juried art show....my first time....and the three paintings I entered were chosen. This encourages me to keep on.

New Friends and Fun Things to do.

2010-08-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Because I have earnestly slowed my life down, new opportunities for friendships are opening up. People are asking me to do things....fun things like going to the fair, growing corn, being in a book review group, a slow talk over coffee. I am reading more, noticing nature, painting pictures. I am going on a vacation with some friends,soon to a place I love...the Appalachians. It is the first time in 5 years that I am travelling for fun and not for a purpose or business.

Today, we danced...

2010-08-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

"She likes 60's music," said the hopeful daughter of an endstage Alzheimer's patient.
Her mother wanders all day and is not focused on or attracted to anything. We put the music on and she got the rhythm in her body and we danced the swing. It was natural. It touched my heart and was fun. Her daughter stood there and cried. There is nothing like bringing the arts into a setting like this. They respond to pictures and color, lively music, and expression....face to face. It is needed more than I can say. After spending time expressing this way back and forth, I walk out of the Alzheimer's Unit encouraged and very happy.

Whatever You Want it to Be

2010-06-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

I paint watercolor pictures with a 90 year old friend. We put the brush to the paper and whatever flows off the end of the brush is just the way it is. We come up with fresh pictures from "the soul". I ask her for titles for some of her pictures. She says that you can't give titles to some of them because they are whatever the viewer wants them to be. There are some things in life that freeflow. I deal with it as it comes...or at least I try to.

My horse got tired...

2010-06-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

I wear a Transition Ring with a horse "riding with the wind". ( Here is the watercolor picture I painted to go with it. It reminds me that I am moving forward in my life with a focus toward "the goal". That is all well and good, but I have been "driving" too hard. I re-wrote the poem that goes with it.

I’m quieting my horse in this open space
Pulling in the reins from this reckless pace
Riding this horse with courage and grace
To know my God and His path embrace

The need to be busy....

2010-05-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Do I need to be busy? Really? I stay busy because I don't want to face what I don't want to face...fears...needs...weaknesses. I would rather do a fun project. So where do I start and when do I stop? It is a daily "dance" that I do in my free time. To do or not to do, that is the question.

Transitioning Back

2010-05-10T06:13:00.001-07:00

I am transitioning back into normal life after 3 conventions in the last 3 months. I have been internlly going so fast that my physical joints hurt. When body pain occurs for seemingly no reason, I have found that it has to do with stress. When I stress out, I don't breathe deep, and I subconsciously tense up. Now, I am taking a break, sitting, relaxing, reading. This is not natural for the personality that I have that wants to be out and going, but it is very healing for my body.
Like the picture I have posted, nature says it all.

Giving....

2010-04-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted to make lots of money so I could give lots of it away to the needy and to missions I believe in.
At this point in time, the one thing that makes my heart beat fast is the thought of seeing the arts and lots of self-expression in nursing homes with Alzheimers and bedridden. It brings so much joy.
I realized that I can give time instead of money, and give it in abundance. Money....time....resources....relationships....It is there to GIVE!

Interview on Radio, Saturday

2010-04-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

Jacqueline Marcell, Author of "Elder Rage", which is about the care of her parents who had Alzheimer's. She will be interviewing me on the Coping with Caregiving Radio Show about how the arts can be used to bring higher morale to those in long term healthcare. My 15 minute interview will be April 24th at 3:45 pm (Pacific Time) 6:45 (Indiana Time) Listen by clicking on the "on Air Listen Live" buttons at the top of the web page.
If you miss it live, you can find it in the archives.
www.wsRadio.com/CopingWithCaregiving

Turn-Arounds

2010-04-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I was recounting the hard transitions in my life. Being 58, I have had a bunch of them. In my self-righteousness, as a young woman, I said that I would make sure I would not have a rebellious teen. I was also adamant about commitment in marriage and no divorce. I also had a fear (not of broken bones) but having an accident and breaking my face. There were so many projections of this picture- perfect life that I thought that I could control. The three things I just now mentioned happened....and many more minor blows. Did these things ruin me? NO!!! There was extreme pain for periods of time. These were times I cried out to God. I found him to be there. I learned to trust. I learned that he was in control no matter what. He softened my heart to truly love HIM and others...oh, and also myself.

The day after my father's funeral...

2010-03-25T09:42:00.001-07:00

Good morning sadness.
I’m Laurie
Normally I don’t give you the time of day
I rush on and don’t allow you time with me
You bring brutal reality into my thoughts
And yet, you complement the good times.
You give me freedom
To be alone with you
To lie down
To be quiet
To cry
So here I am just as I am
Here you are just as you are
You are welcome
Here
For a little while…

Transitioning in death and life

2010-03-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

My dad passed away last Saturday morning. The whole family is together, all ages of us, remembering the fun that he brought into the lives of everyone in the family. The picture shows him relating to his grandson. I love it! Daddy's energetic spirit lives in his kids....in his grandkids. Will I miss him....yes, but I will see the results of his well-planted seeds of humor and faith as the days continue....sprouting in all of us who knew him!

Rhythm Keeps Going

2010-02-09T16:07:00.000-08:00

My best times in life are with art and music....interactive. In skilled nursing care, we go knee to knee with a drum between us and communicate back and forth with a drum beat. We do knock knock jokes. We converse. We talk in rhymes. We echo. We beat the rhythm that is in our souls.

Relationships are not easy

2010-01-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

So much...so much in my journals. The words in them are confided to me and to God. There is not much time to coast. There are new lessons every time I turn around. In order for me to learn, I have to look at hard stuff about myself. This helps me understand others. Relationships are the most important thing in life and I want to have good ones....not easy.

Transitions with Daddy

2010-01-21T08:19:00.001-08:00

Daddy is in the hospital. He is going through some very hard transitions with his health....multiple ones. I feel caught in the middle. My parents are dependent and are needing help. My question is "How much can I give? How much is enough?" I could be with them all day long 24 hours a day and be needed. I still work part time and "do my life". That feels healthy. I am trying to find a balance in yet another transition. Today, I put my "sails" out again (like a sailboat) on the wide open seas and I am saying "God, your wind....You do it." I am letting go....or at least trying to. It is a normal process.

Not Human?

2009-10-22T18:20:00.001-07:00

I work in a nursing home and I give it focus and energy all day long. There are so many needs and I can't meet them. I can just be me and do my job. One of my favorite residents was slowly wheeling herself out of her room telling me that someone took her toothbrush and what was she going to do. "I feel so NOT HUMAN here." I told her that I could understand that one. "Come into the activity room and you can do art all afternoon." "Yeh, then we can laugh" she said.

The perils of people

2009-10-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

Working with people...what a trick. I forget sometimes that it is "a given" that there is competition, jealousy, and nastiness. You don't always know what is the root of certain behaviors. I suppose some of these traits can be a part of me at times....not what I aim for. I am staying focused and sticking to my mission....to bring fun and energy to the elderly.

Anticipating my moments

2009-09-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

When I go to work in the morning, I can't wait to get in the door. That may sound strange to some people. You see, my work is my play. I do fun things with the residents of a nursing home...things like art, music, drama, poetry, cooking, etc. It's all fun to do. The interaction is the best because I watch people who sit idly in wheelchairs come alive to creative ventures. At the end of the day, I don't want to leave. I have never had a job like this!

Art expression

2009-09-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

I spent the week-end doing art with older adults in the nursing home. I can't think of anything that is more fulfilling for me. Those who cannot express themselves verbally, do it through their art. They find themselves in art....I find out who they are too. One lady comes into the "art room" every time it is open. She painst out of her heart...usually flowers...but not recognizable ones that we label. These flowers are uniquely hers....straight from her creative heart. I am amazed over and over at what comes forth.

Time looking

2009-08-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

I spent time looking at art this evening at the Albright-Knox Art Gallery in Buffalo. It wasvery stimulating. My 2 favorites were a DeRain painting of trees and the other one was a VanGogh. I like art that shows the soul. It can be very evident when I look at something created, that it came from the inner nature of the person. The colors are what speak....along with the brushstrokes. I enjoy knowing the stories of different artists....particularly those who lived to ripeness and the progression of paintings changes as they change. I see it in my own artistic expression and poetry.

As I contemplate...

2009-08-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

My past mistakes look different from the angle of the present. Mistakes are not all bad. I have to remember that they were mis - takes....nothing done on purpose....being human. When I learned to accept this element of my humanity, I live in a great deal of freedom. I don't "kick myself" so often. I am able to accept other people whose lives are riddled with mistakes. I can love myself. I can love others.

Working with the Elderly

2009-07-08T19:15:00.001-07:00

I love working with those who are aging. They have a perspective I do not have. They are at a point where they are reframing their lives and wondering their purpose. I have a heart to listen and inspire dignity for these precious people who have so weakened after vibrant careers and active lives. One woman is 101. She is blind. She has so much wisdom to offer if we don't allow her to just vegetate in her room in the nursing home. I would like to see the old and the young mix more.

Mission Transmission

2009-06-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yep, I said transmission and not transition. I have a mission to bring fun and energy to the elderly and disabled. This video shows part of my mission - Dancing Hands. www.dancinghandtaps.com

Self-expression

2009-06-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

What does someone do when in a wheelchair with Alzheimers? I am seeing it where I work. How can they express themselves so they feel somewhat whole? I believe it is through art and music. I see it more recreational than creating masterpieces. I have been providing paint for people in nursing homes and watching them express themselves. It is an awesome thing to see the before and after on their faces after spending time in front of an easel watching colors flow from their brushes.

It's in "being"

2009-05-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

When I think about all the things I think I should do....and all my talents that I think I should use, I get hyper and confused. What is life all about anyway? Is it in being busy? How do I rest? It is not in the "doing". It is in the "being". As I continue to yield my being to my creator, and his being, I pray that I can rest.

Sorrow and Joy

2009-05-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Working in a nursing home is a mixture of sorrow and joy. Today, we planted a garden with the featured favorite....tomatoes. Two months is a long time to wait to harvest those tasty treats. Many residents who were in wheelchairs watched as the plants went in. That was the joy part. The sorrowful part was that they could not get up and dig. They have tried to accept what they cannot do. We put big bowls of dirt chunks in their laps and they were able to break it up with their hands enjoying with all of their senses the damp dirt that would house the plants.

Conflicts

2009-05-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am trying my hardest to get along with certain people. If I am going to live anywhere around people, I must learn to communicate well and work through conflicts. I get impatient with the way some people think. My own thinking isn't always right....I suppose. My brain can only go so far in its thinking and reasoning powers...so it goes with every brain that I try to understand. Patience.....

Transitioning from Albuquerque to Phoenix

2009-04-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

When I travel, I like to have a car so I can come an go on MY schedule. That did not happen on my recent trip. I needed a car so I could drive 7 hours to Phoenix. I was a little concerned with driving by myself for that long, and the long dry stretch. All rental cars had been taken, so I reserved a spot on a Greyhound bus. I resisted it all, until I realized that I took the worry away because of the drive. I could sleep and leave the driving to the driver. There was quite a bit of disturbance on the bus and it wasn't totally fun, but I would do it again...for the adventure of it all. Sometimes things work out different for a reason.

Consistent Living

2009-04-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I turned in all my requirements to be licensed as a Nursing Home Activity Director. I now have a certificate. After the intense hours of class and practicum, I was on a real high. Today, I am deflated. I'm OK, it just happens after something that intense. I have learned to not give my emotions that much credibility, because I have a life to live consistently and purposefully....and my emotions can do what they want. They are a part of life...and sometimes fun.

No right way to "do art"

2009-04-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

I love old folks. I don't see alot of pretense. After many years of living there is acceptance. There is understanding. Today, I took large pieces of cardboard and paint into my favorite "nursing home", spread sheets over lots of tables and we painted. No one asked what to paint. Each one painted. Every style was different and there was a joy in painting what was coming from within. People my age and younger tend to want to do what is paint "right". There is no right way when it comes to art. Take the paint and just "do it". It is invigorating!

Loss

2009-04-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that was a vivid collage of "losing things"....my clothes, my teeth, my husband, my reputation. The whole collage was framed in a crowd with me centered and alone. I am wondering I am going another step toward recognizing and putting behind my losses. So many times, I don't look at reality, and get real happy in a dream world. Reality is hard. I see it every day and I don't want to sometimes. As I grow and heal I am still "moving forward in hope."

People Who Care

2009-03-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

Through empty nest and divorce, I have become very independent. But wait....just a minute....not that independent. I need relationships - not because I have to have someone to lean on. I need friends that I can process life with. Life is hard, and I can grow by sharing my struggles and joys with a friend. It is give and take. Sometimes I am the giver and other times I am the taker. I love the friendships I have where it goes both ways. Today I processed some hard stuff with a trusted friend. I am grateful. My headache went away.

Old Age

2009-03-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

What is it like to sit in a wheelchair all day long or for eyesight to fade. I did an experiment in which I sat in a wheelchair for 2 hours in a health care facility. I wanted to understand. It was hard to reach the key to the bathroom door... I had to ask the administrator to help me. I then spent an hour blind. That was horrible. I felt like I was all alone. Everything was buzzing around me and it felt like no one even noticed that I was there. If others did notice, I would not have seen their eyes looking at me. I constantly had to ask for help. I discovered that many of those with disabilities humbly offer help to others. They understand.

Dying

2009-03-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

I am faced with the news of people who are dying. It happens every day. It is still painful. We pray. We hope. We love. I still have to realize that hurting is something that happens every day in every one. I get tired of the hurting. I am stopping to recognize that there is joy in every day. There are surprise encounters with friends, relatives, and people I am meeting. That makes life a bit more fun.
The other thing that makes me look forward to every days is that I am held by SomeOne bigger.....much much bigger.

Traveling Alone

2009-02-23T02:43:00.001-08:00

I just got back from a trip to Nashville, TN. After 3 years of being single, I still struggle with wondering if I can make the right connections. On the other hand, it is so exciting and fun to run around meeting new people and experiencing new things. From Chicago to Indy, I had the most wonderful conversation with a woman who was next to me on the plane. We introduced ourselves with our names AFTER our conversation. We found out that we already had met each other in the past because of common friends. It was quite a scene. Life is a stitch.

Dull Day

2009-02-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

I've got stuff to do....but coughing and needing to lie down. I don't WANT to lie down. I lie down and rest. It is good. There is a time for everything....even sickness and depression. There is a "coming out" on the other side...and "being glad" about it. I am getting stronger as I depend on my constant and stabilizing friend....God, Himself!

Dessert First

2009-02-13T21:22:00.000-08:00

I went out tonite with a friend to a local restaurant that has wonderful bread pudding. We ordered it with the meal. The waiter asked when we wanted the bread pudding...with the meal...or afterwards. "Whenever it is convenient" I said. Well, it came out first, warm with cold custard on top. It was not to be saveduntil later. It was the best appetizer ever!
Philosophically speaking....do important things first...especially if it tastes good!

New Stuff

2009-02-08T12:07:00.000-08:00

Life is an adventure. There is always something new that is around the corner when I open my eyes to it. Today there is sunshine, new and interesting people to talk to at church and a garage that looks like new because I cleaned it. It is good to process the past and then leave it behind and move forward to the next challenge.
All good gifts come from God.

Freedom for the People

2009-02-02T03:36:00.000-08:00

We are free to live, love, laugh, mess-up, enjoy success, do with our lives whatever we want to. Laws are changing. Some are constrictive. Some are not. Laws can be easily broken with consequences attached. Sometimes the law catches offenders...sometimes it doesn't. Ultimately, there is no law, nothing that can control morality in people. We are each responsible for how we respond to what is right. What is right? I follow the law of love. Love God. Love myself. Love others. Love is a powerful agent that encourages morality.

Moving Forward in Hope

2009-01-26T17:59:00.000-08:00

How are you today? a friend asked. "I'm fine. Life is hard."
I am choosing to move forward with what I have to do each day. I choose not to focus on my mistakes of the past or fears of the future. There are more mistakes to made. As long as I know that, I am not surprised when I mess up. I can give myself grace. I can give others grace. No matter what we have to do, it CAN make a difference.

Colors of Who I Am

2009-01-22T20:51:00.000-08:00

I recently painted some watercolors for an art show. I had in my mind what I wanted to paint, and I just did it out of my soul. They went together to form one big wall display that was bold and bright. That shows how far I have come. I haven't felt bold and confident for a long time. I painted an abstract of butterflies. I put every color in it. "That is you" an observer said. "They are colors of who I am" I replied. I know me and I like me. If I didn't, those pictures would not be on the wall. I must say that before I put them up, I was a little bit inhibited. After they were up I was OK.

Old and wrinkly

2009-01-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

I was in a health care center today. One man was probably in his 30s and was blind. He told me he was born in the 80s and he was getting old. I told him I was born in the 50s. He heard my voice and said that I didn't sound that old. He was blind and couldn't see the wrinkles that I pretend I don't have. "I'm old and wrinkly....but not THAT wrinkly." I told him. I got to thinking....that.... wrinkles are not all that bad. The nicest and most wonderful people I have met have wrinkles on wrinkles and really hadn't noticed that much. Some of them are toothless because their dentures are so uncomfortable. I am blind to it all even though I have eyes to see. What I really see is their hearts and minds.....precious!!

2008>2009

2008-12-31T21:26:00.000-08:00

Dare I hope? Many years have brought disappointments that I would have not imagined when I did my hoping on all those January firsts before. So, what about it? A lifetime of disappointments here and there has also brought hundreds of growth experience and good challenges. There have been wonderful times. It all adds up to knowing that a life lived fully and confidently will bring about a life that is whole because of the ups and downs.
It is my hope that "hope" will catch on to people everywhere.

2008-12-25T17:23:00.000-08:00

I have had a peaceful Christmas. It is because I have enjoyed each moment as it has come my way. I have made plans, but have not dwelled on what I expect or how things "should" be. I am each moment for what it is and accepting each relative and friend for who he or she is. I am intentional about not being intense.
I had many wonderful surprises and thoughtful gestures from my family. Peace. Joy.

...Christmas moments

2008-12-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

I have been taking moments to ponder lately...I've had more "alone" time than usual. Christmas is usually packed with shopping and busyness. The economy affects all that. I decorated but didn't put up a tree. (no, it's not bah humbug....my house looks warm and cheery) I was reading Lamentations, Chapter 3.

"When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst."

Well, life has been heavy lately and hard to take. I am practicing being PRESENT in the moments with myself and God....being silent....listening...soaking up the love that keeps coming down.

What do I REALLY know?

2008-12-08T19:39:00.000-08:00

I don't know a whole lot. I know that life is hard. I know that time marches on.
I know that I can use the time a minute at a time. I know I have one breath at a time and this moment. The next thing to do is to take the nextbreath and the next step....and experience life in the hands of the God who knows me and cares about me. Now THAT is everything.
Pretty philosophical huh?

Spiritual Awakening?

2008-12-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

In the twelve steps of AA, it speaks of spiritual awakening. In my 57 years, I have had more than one. It is something that happens beyond me. All I have done is to be open and watchful to what is going on in my life...on my insides. Most of these wake-ups have been as a result of very painful times when my selfish side rises up and the results of that occur. My life would be meaningless without these awakenings.

Live as an island?

2008-11-23T21:39:00.000-08:00

I decided today that I really love people. Today was a day full of them.....meaningful encounters. I was able to connect eye to eye with friends at church, one by one. I had a surprise lunch date with a 25 year old girl. I met neighbors I had not met before. Then I helped a friend chop down brush around her house. I could not live as an "island". No way.

Expecting the Best...

2008-11-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

I went to something called "Dating Boot Camp" (www.blueribbonsingles.com)in Indianapolis last Saturday...at the suggestion of a friend. Do I really want to date? I feel insecure dating at my age because it has been so long since I have dated. Through this camp, I discovered more about myself and the principles I need to date confidently. I am still working on myself and become the kind of person that attracts what it is that I want in another person. I am also enjoying being who I am in my singleness until the time comes when I meet someone very special. The biggest thing for me to remember is to expect the best and accept it when it comes!

Unloneliness?

2008-11-10T09:45:00.001-08:00

What is the opposite of loneliness?
Un-loneliness?
Being with people?
No
What is it? Really….
Life in community?
Serving?
Receiving?
I don't know.
Could it be…
Knowing myself
And being comfortable in…
That.
And then…
From there…
Knowing and loving others
As we cross paths
Identifying with
And accepting...
Being Human
And celebrating God
In that.

Obama Transition

2008-11-05T02:33:00.000-08:00

Here's transition to consider. Obama did a nonstop campaign all over the country on tv. I imagine he thought day and night about his dream to be president and how to market himself. In a couple of months, he will take over the important job of running our country. How does someone transition like that? It's huge. I think he could use the "Ride On" transition ring..."living life with courage and grace...in places where I could lose face." May he live life with courage and grace.

Laugh underwater?

2008-10-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Have you ever laughed or cried underwater? This sounds goofy, but it really is therapeutic. I swim several times a week. Besides the fun of it, there is an emotional release as my whole body moves and splashes in the water. Sometimes there is stuff in me that needs to get out so instead of breathing out under water, I scream or laugh. Feels good.

Friction

2008-10-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am made of flesh. Beyond that there is the spiritual. When I live my life day to day, there is friction between the two. I so often want to MAKE things happen in the flesh, when it is not "ripe" in the spirit world. This calls for patience as life opens up a day at a time. I have to learn not to push.

Relationships....important

2008-10-13T17:08:00.000-07:00

My 19 year old son sat down with me in the back yard tonight and watched it get dark. There was no advice giving or what I think of as "serious conversation". It was just being present with one another. I loved it! We talked and laughed about nothing...that was the beauty of it. It was different for me. I don't try to "fix" my sons with words anymore. They can take care of themselves...just as I expect to take care of MYSELF. It' great.

Undisturbed....

2008-09-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

There is alot of instability all around. What if we get just the right person for president? Is that a stable thing. Can anyone fix the messes we Americans have gotten ourselves into? NO. No one can straighten this out. I read recently in a devotional book....When you are struggling, just look into the "undisturbed face" of God. What a great picture. He is not worried. He has a plan. So, I'll just keep facing "the next thing" knowing that there is one truly stable force!

What does it take to grow?

2008-09-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have tried to make myself grow by trying to do the right things. It has not happened that way. It has happened through hard experiences that I have to "dig" my way through. Usually the experience for growth comes with great pain. I only see growth when I look back. I have had so many of those experiences, I don't feel like the same person.

The value of ears....

2008-09-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

I attended the Penrod Art Festival in Indy yesterday. The day was bright and clear and the art was plentiful....more than you can take in ...in one day. There was music floating in the air and dancing too. I saw a man doing sign language. I was asking myself what it would be like to not be able to hear....children laughing, the wind in the trees....and music. I sat down in the middle of the busy festival just to listen and hear.

Nature speaks...

2008-08-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

The last few crisp nights, I have slept out on the backporch in a flannel sleeping bag. I go to sleep hearing "bug music"....crickets....and such. It is such a calming noise. Funny...I don't feel so alone. I know that I am never alone, but sometimes it feels like it. Nature reflects God's presence in my ears in the darkness.

So I say AMEN.

2008-08-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am very close to an 85 year old. He has lived alot of life! When I was having lunch with him he bowed his head and a few seconds later, he looked up and said,
"when I pray, I try to think of something that God is not already involved in. I can't think of anything, so I say AMEN."
"Now that is profound," I thought. God is at work always in everything. Most of the time we have no idea what He is doing. He is always moving and it is for good in the end. I don't understand all the hard stuff. It is a hidden mystery that we get glimpses of sometimes.

Comfort

2008-08-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

I am going through an emotional time. It is uncomfortable. I cannot "settle". I know that I can go to God and receive comfort and a shower of love. I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself. I can't get what God has for me, if I don't acknowledge him. It is overwhelming to feel not only my own pain but also the pain in people all around me. Each one must feel his or her own pain. Each one can get relief from God as he deals with us one on one. No worry!

Miracle?

2008-07-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how I felt 2 years ago when I was just divorced. I thought there was no hope and that I would never be OK again. Divorced friends,who were further along in their singleness, would tell me "Give it time, maybe a couple of years and you will be fine." That did not seem possible. Now I am 2 1/2 years down the road and I am more than OK. I am very happy and fulfilled in just being me. There is so much to do and be. It feels like a miracle.

Prose...Step by Step

2008-06-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

What...
When...
Where...
God knows.
For me...
It's step by step
In faith
Loving Him.
God
Sees me
Knows me
Loves me
Knowing times
Knowing seasons
For me...
\Knowing when
To take the next step
Lifting my eyes to the mountains
It is where
My help
Comes from.

Garden Perfection?

2008-06-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

I love my backyard. I like to sit and just stare at it. It is just as much fun to work in it. The time I have spent in it has spurred it on to be part of a garden show on Sunday. Now I'm getting hyper about it being perfect. Now perfect.....that is NOT fun. I am leaving a half dead flower that hopefully will be revived some day. I am leaving a few leftover brown fall leaves in the bushes....and there is a maple tree "forest"...a bunch of seedlings...in my window well. I'm leaving it as is. Maybe others will know that I'm not perfect. My garden is not perfect and no one needs to be perfect.

Emotions - pole to pole

2008-06-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Happy sad....happy...sad. I got a phone call this morning that made me very happy and excited in the middle of being somewhat morose. So, I'm jumpin around being happy. I asked myself why I'm so happy all of a sudden. Can I not be satisfied and happy at the basic root of my being? I realize that my true happiness does not depend on circumstances but in knowing that I belong to God and that He has my best interests in mind, even through the ups and downs of life when my emotions are going wacko.

Time alone

2008-06-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

I used to dread being by myself. Now, there are times that I really enjoy it....really. I like myself. I didn't used to. I'm good company for myself. I am finding the more growth I have in the area of "self"...the more I love others. It seems to come so naturally. I love people... Looks like I can have time alone AND time with others. Looking for a good balance.

The power of grief....

2008-06-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

My parents are not the same as they used to be. They are in their eighties and they forget things and get confused. I always wanted them to stay forever young. I didn't want the tables to turn. Now I grieve. I could go on my merry way and not think about it. I am choosing not to. I am still learning the difference between grief and depression. There is healing when I face the facts and grieve. I don't want to talk to God about it, but I know I need to and I make myself stop in my tracks and do that. There may even be solutions. My transition ring on my pinkie helps me to remember to keep moving forward with hope.

Today

2008-06-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

If I were still married, it would be 31 years today. We made it to 28. Why am I thinking about this? It is crazy. It is hard to get it out of my brain. Well, I've said it, and now I can put it aside. Being single keeps getting better.

Floods

2008-06-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

I was at Brown County State Park with some friends last week-end. When the floods came, we were unable to leave the park and no one could get in. I could not fathom the damage. when I did get out and drove towad Indy, I was overwhelmed. I still couldn't grasp the loss in stores and homes and crops. What a helpless feeling. It made me stop and think about what I value and where I put my time...on things that last, or physical things that can be flooded out.

Stories of Hope

2008-06-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Today, I was telling my sister all the stuff that was happening in my family. I said it very matter-of-factly....because I have gotten past the emotions and I'm facing reality. "Do you have any good news?" she asked. "Oh yes!" I said. "I love what I am doing". I got to thinking, "Wow that's worth alot." One thing that keeps me uplifted is reading stories that my Transition Ring peeps share with me. They are hard circumstances, but we are all learning together to move forward in hope. There is nothing like identifying with one another in trying circumstances. Relationships are very healing.

Good grief...

2008-05-31T18:16:00.001-07:00

I have had some time alone today. I am driven to be busy....but I have stopped. I've wandered around the garden, puttered and just hung out with myself. I started grieving...my parents...they are getting less independent and older....my kids...all grown and doing their own thing....my husband...gone. I thought I had dealt with all of that. I still have grieving to do. I am seeing it is a part of life. I won't die from grief. It just hurts. Now I want to be busy again. My job is never done...always more fun stuff to do with it....that's good. I think its ok to go clean up my messy basement now.

When I'm down, I'm up

2008-05-28T08:34:00.001-07:00

I just looked back through the last few blogs. I've been going through alot of sad stuff. I have not gotten rid of "fun". I have so many fun things that I do, like my job, and going out with friends. I swim. I create. I have a very close friend who I can call any time. My life is varied and full. When I'm down, it brings me closer to the one who counts....I talk to God....very intimately...and....I cry. He walks with me through the hard times and makes it somewhat joyful, because I know that EVENTUALLY growth and good can come out of it. Growth for sure. It does seem odd that I can experience joy and sorrow at the same time.

Not happy

2008-05-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not happy. In fact, I am very sad. I love God and people and all that. I know I am grieving. It is what I thought my family would always be....together and close-knit. It hasn't happened that way. My husband is gone and my sons are scattering, and doing things I don't like. So?

Do I always do things that they like? Of course not. We each are living our own lives. I pray that all those I love can discover who they are and know fulfillment in God who loves them...I pray that for myself too.

Depressed

2008-05-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have so many friends going through so much garbage....stuff they can't control. I grieve with them. I, too, have many things that happen everyday that is very hard. The only thing I can control is how I respond. Today, I am feeling depressed. Today, I responded to the depression by making myself clean my office. Writing a blog or a good nights sleep is helpful. Depression doesn't last too long with me. That's a blessing.

Staged?

2008-05-15T03:02:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about God today. I hear that he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If I am made in his image, then there should be the element of being the same always.....not two faced or acting different for various people. I've always been me. So....no more acting....I am being. I will save "being an actress" for the stage!

Water please

2008-05-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

I love water. I like to drink it, sit in it, swim in it, and let it fall on top of me. I like the way it feels to float or splash in it....so freeing. I was recently in Orlando, Florida at the NAAP Convention. There was a waterfall that I stood under and let it beat on my head. Wow. It was great.

Sadness

2008-04-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

What if I stared sadness in the face and said, "Hello sadness, I'm Laurie, and I need to sit down and be with you for a little while. I am going to stop and listen and learn and grow from knowing you."
I have a friend who is very physically weak. She embraces her weaknesses and sadness. It doesn't keep her from experiencing joy and love and peace also. She has a powerful affect. Sound confusing? It isn't. I can be in the moment and experience any emotion that comes. The beautiful times come at other times. It's OK for now.

Divorce Rings?

2008-04-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

There is quite a stir about "divorce rings". It sounds negative. Why would anyone want to celebrate divorce with a ring? Personally, I don't like calling the ring I started wearing after my divorce a "divorce" ring. It is a symbol of hope. It signifies the closing of one chapter of my life and the unexpected beginning of a NEW chapter. That is why I call it a Transition Ring. Everyone has transitions in life. Graduation is one. The discovery of cancer is another. The loss of a loved one is yet another. My view is that EVERYONE is going through some kind of transition. It is the "way" of life. Divorce is the biggest, hardest transition I have every been through. I look at my ring and it encourages me. It helps me encourage others. Here is an interesting turn of events. My website www.transitionrings.com is getting gobs of traffic from those going through divorce. I think that is good, but there are other transitions too.

Talking instead of Doing

2008-04-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

In my family, there is alot of talking.....talking about plans and good intentions. Does it sound good? Yes. Does it get done? Unfortunately not alot. My goal is to be true to my word or not say it in the first place. Actions speak louder than words.

Regret

2008-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

I used to have lots of regret until I started to realize that who I was "back then" was all I could be "back then". I could only be who I was and do what I thought was right at the time. Do I have it all together today? No....all I know to do, I'm doing....all I know to be....I'm being. How can I ever regret that? No one is perfect. I want to pass the beauty of self-acceptance to my songs and family.....it truly is a beautiful thing.

Making room

2008-04-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm still figuring out my life's journey. Maybe I could call it a race. I call it that because I know I must focus and run toward the goal. I can't look too much at the person running beside me on either side, nor do I try to compare. They have races to run, too, and I don't want to get in the way. We all run together. We are all made by God. We are all family. Real strength comes as God gives it. I can't get it from other people. I can inspire others to draw strength from God. I am making room for Him to work.

Technology

2008-04-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

I decided to try something new. I uploaded a photo. It isn't that hard. Really. I thought it might be....so I never tried, at least on blogger. It's like uploading anywhere else. Silly me. These are my grown kids and my parents. Some of my art is on the piano behind. Don't ask what it is.

It's OK for now.

2008-04-13T17:43:00.000-07:00

There are situations in my life that I don't like. So what else is new? I still like life, in general, although at the moment, it's hard. In moments like this, I tell myself, "It's OK for now." There is a process to life and to living and to loving and there is growth in even the hard moments. "It's OK for now."

Art Reflects

2008-04-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

I went to a Music Therapist Convention in Chicago. A friend went with me and we went early so we could wander around the Chicago Art Institute. I discovered that my eyes and mind can only hold so much. I had to keep resting my eyes so I can take in more of the beauty and emotion expressed in the paintings. Art reflects the person who creates it. The brushstrokes and color speak of what is inside. When I sit down to draw or paint, I try to be free enough to let what is inside come out. It doesn't always have to be beautiful or peaceful. I want my art to have a voice...and it does. I have found that the same thing happens in anything I do, be it housework, business, yard work, etc. The outcome of anything I do reflects the interior of myself. I will be true to what is in my heart.

It's all about hope

2008-03-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs hope. Guilt and fear can cause paralysis inside, so that hope cannot take root. In the past, I have been afraid of feeling guilty, so instead of stepping out and doing something right and bold, I drew back. I have changed. Now I step out with expectation as I take responsibility for anything I have done wrong and keep moving forward. I now have a spirit of adventure. I am doing what God has put in me. I am living life, being me, loving God, and loving others.

Exercise

2008-03-26T10:31:00.001-07:00

Yep, exercise is essential to my well-being...mentally....physically, and emotionally. I swim 3 or 4 times a week and I swim hard. If I don't, I feel a difference. I must say though, that the biggest key to my well-being and wholeness is in knowing and relating to God every day. The spiritual extends to every part of me.

Mysteries

2008-03-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

I don't understand stuff. There are so many things that happen in life...in people I love, in me, and in the world. It is sad. Why? Well, when I say that to God, I get the idea that so much of this is a mystery. The cross and Jesus dying is a mystery to me. The fact that Judas was destined for destruction is a mystery. Evidently, we all have to struggle in some way, in order to grow, and in order to reach out to God. I just know that when I struggle or go through a dark time, that I come out on the other side of it all just fine. I'm happy for Easter, tomorrow....a reminder that He makes all things new.